Monday, June 19, 2017

Mama,

On Wednesday, David turns 16.  And all I can think about is how much I desperately need to talk to you.  I'm maintaining my outside composure about releasing him into the streets fairly well, but on the inside, there's plenty of anxiety and concern.  The truth is that he has no business operating a motor vehicle.  He's only 16.  Just a few years ago, he was running around the house pretending to be a Power Ranger, and now I am just supposed to let him go?

It's just happened all too fast, mama.  Just too fast.  Funny thing is that I remember you telling me that it would.  You just can't believe it when they're little and all over the place and exhausting.  Before you know it, they're forming opinions of their own and becoming little people.  And then they drive away.  I knew I would miss you for the rest of my life, mama, but this week it's really hitting home.  I want to talk to you and hear you tell me that everything will be alright.  And that even if something bad happens, things will be alright then, too.  I know it all already, but I need to hear you say it because you're really the only person who can tell me and make me believe it.

It's so hard to do this parenting thing without your advice.  Without any sage advice, really.  But somehow I am managing.  Well, I know how I am managing.  A good combination of the Holy Spirit and of your voice inside my head.  I just never dreamed that I would have to do this without your presence.  Do you remember when he was only a few days old and I called you around 2 in the morning because I couldn't get him to stop crying?  I will never forget those early months when I had no clue what to do with a colicky infant that yacked on me every 15 minutes.  But you were there to ease me through it.  You were always there, if not in person by phone.

Right now I feel a little like that young mother in the middle of the night who just doesn't know what to do.  I will never forget when you walked in the door and I handed him to you that he calmed down within minutes.  I was amazed.  So I guess I will ask you to watch over him for me now, mama.  I don't know if that's even a thing in heaven, the being able to watch over people on earth.  But if it is, I know you will do it.  So watch him for me.  Send him a signal when he's out there in the world and thinks about doing something stupid.  Send him a signal when he's not paying attention to the road.  Just do anything within your power to keep him safe.  

I love and miss you much, Mama.  So much.