Yesterday, I went to Hobby Lobby and perused their selection of fake flowers. I have never looked at flowers for the purpose of leaving them at a grave, so it was a new experience. I settled on white lilies with a few small pink roses mixed in. Simple.
Today, I assembled the ensemble into a plastic thingy with styrofoam inside it. I am hoping it will fit inside that permanent vase on the headstone. I can't decide if I am pleased with the flowers or not. It's hard to say, "Oh, this looks nice..." when they are going to be on your mother's headstone.
Tomorrow, I will have my hair cut. I am nervous and anxious and emotional. I have never had this much hair cut off at one time. Never made such a drastic change. But I can imagine how much lighter my head will feel (hopefully literally and figuratively) once it is done. Then we will go place flowers at the grave in honor of what would have been her 66th birthday.
Whoever you are reading these words right now, I am thankful that you have been on this journey with me. I am thankful you have shared in my grief by reading the words here on my blog about my mother. I feel like I carry her on by talking and writing about her. And if you are reading these words and your mama is still alive, will you do something for me to help honor the relationship I had with mine? Call her tomorrow, the 25th of October. Tell her you love her for no reason. Even if things aren't perfect and may be a little strained. Call her, hug her, squeeze her and hang onto her. For one day, my friend, she will be gone. Live in such a way that there are no regrets with the ones you love.