Monday, October 1, 2012

October...

October hit me in the chest this morning like a punch from Mike Tyson (back in his prime, mind you).

October?  Yes, October.  The month my mother was born.  Breast cancer awareness month.  The six month mark since her death.

I never knew a month could hurt like this.  And it's only the first day.

But about an hour ago, I thought to myself, "Maybe I should do a month of thanksgiving?"

Now, when I think thanksgiving, I think November, not October.  But I simply have to do something to  celebrate her.  To celebrate who she was.  Who she continues to be in my heart.  Who I miss so much.  I have to do something to try to keep my mind in the positive instead of it going down that dark road I see ahead.  I can see it... the dark and windy road where nothing positive lives.  Nothing good at all.  Only tears and pain and loneliness and missing her.

So why not share the many things about her for which I am grateful?  What better day to start than today, October first, the beginning of one of the toughest months in my grief process so far.

I am thankful for my mother's quietness.

Your beauty should not come from outward adornment... Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight.  {1 Peter 3:3-4}

She was not loud in any sense of the word.  She never called attention to herself or her own opinions, agenda, or feelings.  Because of that, when she talked or shared, people listened.  I listened.

Because she was so quiet, and I am so not, I continue to strive for that.  Not just because that's how my mom was, but because that's how God would have me be.  Keeping away from gossip.  Biting my tongue with my husband and children (or at least trying really hard to).  Picking my battles wisely.  These are not easy concepts, but my mother had it mastered very naturally.  And it was extremely admirable.

And for her quiet example as a wife, mother, and Godly woman, I am so thankful.

Thank you, Lord, for showing me through her the kind of woman You would have me be.  


1 comment:

Editor and Publisher Shelly Burke said...

Your mother sounds like a wonderful lady--and got me to thinking about mine. May you feel God's comfort and peace as you grieve for her--what a neat way to memorialize her here. I'm going to call my mom as soon as I'm done subscribing to your blog. :-)