Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Perfect Peace...

I woke with it on my heart. Words. Divine and Inspired. Sent from Him, passed through the ages, ringing in my ear.

You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you. Trust in the LORD forever, for the LORD, the LORD, is the Rock eternal. Isaiah 26:3-4

Perfect peace.

Nothing about the past week and a half has been peaceful. My very-limited-budget Christmas shopping has begun. My 92 year old grandmother was admitted to the hospital. My mother was admitted just yesterday to the hospital with fluid around her heart. I've had a few moments when the realization that my world, so rapidly changing around me, is so utterly out my control... that the very realization of it has threatened to push me over the edge. I've wanted my grandmother to pass to her permanent home where she could be comfortable and my mother wouldn't have to worry about her anymore. I've wanted my mother to wake up one morning and just be restored to who she was before the cancer took so much away from her. I've wanted money to fall from the sky like fall leaves in an October wind. But I can't wave a magic wand and make any of those things happen, and for some reason unknown to me right now, they aren't in the plan.

Why can't raining money be in the plan? If not a healthy Mama, then why not? {That's the 5 year old within me that rears her ugly head every now and again.}

I am amazed to find that God's plan is so perfect that someone as imperfect as me can't understand it. If my grandmother had been called home, we'd be in a real pickle right now with my mother in hospital in Birmingham. If my mother woke up one day and was miraculously restored to perfect health, I wouldn't have the honor of witnessing her strength and grace in the midst of difficult situations. If money rained from the sky, then I wouldn't have been granted a blessing through someone that so blatantly shouts to me Tamara, I am listening to you! Do you ever have those moments? Moments so beautiful and still in which a need is met and you know it's the hand of God, where there's no doubt whose hand is at work.

And so I woke this morning with this Scripture on my mind. Not in perfect wording, mind you, and not reciting book, chapter and verse. But the first part of it I remembered, and I knew where I had it written down. And I was drawn to the Words, words God penned for you and me, ones He wanted me to focus on today, tomorrow, forever.

Perfect peace. Only the peace that can be found in Him. In knowing that I will have everything in every moment because He is within me. It won't always be easy, but I have Him to hold me through it. And so does my mother. And father. And brothers. And you, too. Do you have it yet? Have you found it? Have you even looked for it?

Spend a moment today looking for the Rock eternal. He will sustain you through whatever twists and turns you life may take. I know because I am feeling it now for the first time in my life. It doesn't mean I don't cry or get angry or scared... it simply means that there's this place inside of me that no one can take away. No one. It's my own little Ark of the Covenant, if you will, where the very Spirit of the Living God, the One who raised Jesus from the tomb, resides. He comforts me. He gives me strength to get up and carry on even when the sinful part of me just wants to curl in a ball and cry. He is the reason I can move on through all this imperfect crap of the world.

To Him be the glory always and forever. Amen.

1 comment:

Erika said...

Amen. I think we could all use a little perfect peace right now. Thank you for sharing. Love you!