Wednesday, November 9, 2011

Inside my brain...

I've been a little quiet around here as of late. To be honest, I've been what they call busy, which is weird for me. I generally don't like busy. It's a state of life I try to stay away from... not because I am lazy, but because I feel like it's a state in which we lose ourselves if we're not careful. We create too much external work for ourselves that we forget the internal work that needs to be done. Time with God. Time with family. Time with our spouse. We look for outside sources to feed our egos instead of feeding our souls. That's one of the joys of being a stay-at-home mom; I was forced to let go of my concept of earthly value and focus on the things that bring us true joy as women. Not that I don't think women who work can't balance it all... I just think it would be harder for me as a woman to put being a wife and mother first if I had a job that made me feel valued (because I dare say that a job outside the home would leave me feeling more valued than the kids do most days!). Okay... I am losing focus here...

I've been busy with my little crafty business. I got this rather large order a few weeks ago, and it was incredibly intimidating. But, of course, I wasn't going to turn down an order, even if meant that my own hands would have to create 42 zipper pulls and the leather things that hold them to the zippers all by myself. 42. This was right after I had another fairly large order of 19. My CrazyMamaCreations deal is a lot of fun, but what people probably don't realize is how very time intensive it is. I mean, it's just me, after all. And it takes quite a bit of menial effort to make a plain metal washer into something cute! So to say that I am glad to be passing off this big, big order today is an understatement! I enjoyed making them, but it will be a huge load off my shoulders to have it 100% complete.

I've also been getting ready for a craft show this weekend. I have purposefully not done a show yet. Major issue is time. Time to prepare. Time to go and set up and work the show and take down. Not to mention the risk. It's a risk to prepare things specifically for on the spot purchase when you're not certain any of it will sell. I am a made to order kind of outfit on Facebook and Etsy, so there's not much risk involved in that. But to prepare an inventory and not be sure that anyone (except me) will like it, well, it's a little intimidating.

I find myself intimidated by the strangest things. Take, for instance, this morning, when I went to the elementary school to learn how to make copies for Madalyn's teacher. It's been eleven years since I've used a commercial copier. May not seem like a big deal to you, but I was a little intimidated. Not just of the copier but of the whole process. What if I copy the wrong sheets? What if I don't make the right number? What if I can't remember how to make a two-sided copy into two one-sided copies and have them come out into the tray in groups instead of collated and I get fired from being room mom which I really never wanted to be anyway??????

Do you see what I do to myself inside my brain? Why do I do this? It's pure insanity, I tell you...

Also on the agenda lately has been lunch. As in cooking it. Now this is something I have enjoyed doing. Since my husband is working so very close to home now, he's able to come home for lunch. And it's been fun {in a weird way} cooking for him again. He's not one that eats a lot in the evening, so I have long gotten out of the habit of cooking real meals at night. But now, I can cook for lunch, we eat together, and then the kids have dinner ready. It's been a really nice change of pace around here, and a big money saver. I feel really blessed with Scott's job change. Beyond blessed, really. Just hoping that it all works out in the end. I am keeping the faith that it will and not applying my crazy inside the brain questioning to this one part of my life. Seems strange that I am freaking out more about using the copier at the school than I am about my husband's new job. But that's just the way my brain works...

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