Lysa TerKeurst tickled the bottom of the feet of my little soul yesterday by offering a scholarship opportunity to the She Speaks Conference this July. When I read over the details, my soul literally bubbled up in giggles, and the wheels of my mind began to spin. I have been praying and thinking and dreaming of attending the conference this summer for the past couple of months after a little bird put a whisper in my ear... Have you ever thought about attending the She Speaks conference?
The answer was an emphatic, "Nope." First things first, I am not a speaker. And I am so immature in my faith and struggling to discover exactly who God wants me to be in my daily life that I can't even fathom taking on the role of any type of spiritual leadership. But God kept poking His finger in my side, right into that little roll over he waist of my jeans. Arise. Shine. Write.
When I looked into the conference, I was delighted to find they offer three tracks ~ speaking, writing, and leadership. I scanned through the different sessions that were offered for the writer's track last year and knew it was right where I needed to be. By the end of July, I will have one finished manuscript, and I have at least five more swimming around in my head at all times of the day. The plot lines and characters come alive in the strangest moments... 3AM when I am tossing from one side to the other, when I am scrubbing the dishes, and when I cleaning the toilets. I have these voices, these lovely flawed women in my mind that are crying to come out and teach through their fictional lives, to better show the love, forgiveness, and grace found in my Lord and Savior.
I have finally come to a point in my life that I accept I have been given a talent, and it's writing. In the past year, the call to write has become such a strong desire in my heart. But not to write just anything; I long to write novels that will touch women in the un-obvious ways, that will make them stop and think, that can demonstrate God's amazing love for us all, this perfect, unending, deep love that we will never find in anything or anyone else. I look forward to the day that I can carry around copies of my own novels and leave one on the booth at a restaurant, in the chair at the dentist office, or on the table at Chic-fil-A right outside that germy indoor playroom knowing that my story can touch the life of most any woman that picks it up and chooses to read it, and that it will draw them closer to God in some way. Those are big dreams, but I am kind of tired of dreaming little...
No matter whether I win the scholarship or not, I will be there in July. Somehow. I had already planned on registering this Friday when our tax refund comes in, but the Good Lord knows we have a major household repair that cannot be avoided and need to reserve the rest for the down months of the car business. I also have full faith that God has orchestrated this incredibly beautiful and perfect plan ahead of me to get me there... I can't see all the details yet, but I rest on the faith I have in Him. So I am doing my part in writing this post, by dropping my name in the pot of consideration for the scholarship, as well as looking into a creative business adventure that I hope can pull in some extra cash for use around the household in the months to come.
Bottom line is this: I feel the LORD rising upon me right now. I feel it. He rises upon me, He's over me, through me, inside me, all around me. He's got His loving hand in every part of my life. I am so completely and utterly unworthy of any of it, so flawed and imperfect, so damaged and cracked on the outside, but I know that His light can shine through all of that. And I am excited at the thought of spending two days with other women that feel the same as I do learning more about how I can effectively shape my words and thoughts to spread the love of God around.