Saturday, March 12, 2011

I'm awake...

I'm awake, and I shouldn't be. No one should be awake at 4AM unless there's a crying baby in the house or they're sick. But I am.

I just paid some bills online. Changed our cell phone plan. Haven't checked Facebook yet, but that's next. Blogging always trumps Facebook.

I have a lot on my mind tonight. We've got our first baseball tournament tomorrow (or today, depending on how your brain processes time), and I am a little excited/anxious about that. Making the move to kid pitch is a big jump, and I love all these boys as though we all have common DNA. I'm also feeling a little pressure to get a necklace done to wear at the ball park... a really cute baseball mom pendant that I feel certain I could get a couple of sales for just by modeling it at the ball park all weekend. Or, at least, I hope.

And then there's the writing. The urge to punch the keys.

Mainly on Friday I wrestled with this voice inside my head... you can't do it, it'll never work, what are you thinking, you're way too inadequate to pull it off... I hate that voice. Hate it. I know it's not nice to hate, but I hate that. Hate that tiny little whisper of doubt that ends up amplified somehow in my head and billows over the voice of the Almighty.

So, I tried to rest in my verse today... May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.

That's called the 4AM Crazy Mama paraphrase, so don't hold me to an exact quote at this juncture. And I can't even remember the chapter and verse right now, but I know it's in Romans. But I am so thankful to have had this verse in my little head today... funny how God helped me pick out the verse He knew I needed before I even realized it myself.

I am listening to the little snores and snoozes of my littlest one in her room. And if that doesn't tickle my soul, then nothing does. I love my kids. I love my hardworking, honest husband. And I am so very thankful for what God has done for us in the past couple of years. Very thankful indeed.

Okay... I am off to bed to ponder the hope of the Holy Spirit instead of that list of bills that needed to be paid... hopefully I won't lie there making jewelry in my mind or writing the next chapter of my novel. Time for sleep...

1 comment:

connecting with the soul said...

Hey there lady, it's not Saturday but I just found you, lol. Hope you were able to get the rest you needed. Lil ones sleeping are so precious aren't they?