Thursday, January 13, 2011

The Marriage Bed

This morning on the Today Show, they did a segment on infidelity in the marriage bed... as in a spouse having relations with a person other than their betrothed in the very bed they share together. Seems unthinkable, doesn't it? I found myself thinking, "Gosh... I just can't imagine..." And then I had to remind myself I knew someone it happened to - know them very well, actually.


It seems an entire lifetime ago. Literally, a whole other life has formed since that day. When I replay the scenes in my mind, I don't recognize the young newlywed bride standing over the bed she shared with her then husband, cold, tangible evidence in hand that another woman had been there in her place. In her bed. Under or on top of the beautiful comforter she'd found on sale one day at the Dillard's Home Store with the bright spring flowers in all the colors she'd set her heart on decorating with. Dirtying the expensive set of sheets that her parents' life group from church had pitched in to purchase as a wedding gift for the couple. Ending what she thought would somehow work itself into a lifetime. It had been far from perfect, but she loved him, and the young woman had this belief that he loved her, too. But on that hot summer day, the truth was thicker than the humid Georgia air. It was over. The dream. The belief. The marriage. All of it.

That young girl, the one who loved the man that shagged some ho-bag in their marriage bed, was shattered. If there's anything in life that a husband can do to scream out loud from the roof top, "I MOST DEFINITELY DON'T LOVE YOU OR RESPECT YOU!!!!!!" it's cheating on you in your bed. Not only is it incredulously disrespectful, it's disgusting. And I think it says a lot for the person committing the act. What person with any kind of a conscience could have relations with another individual in the very bed they share with their spouse with a photo from their wedding day a matter of feet away? I know one in particular, but I won't type out his name...

Anywho... the segment this morning opened up that old memory for me. It doesn't hurt anymore, but rather it makes me sad. Sad for the young newlywed bride whose heart was broken that day. Even more sad that she had ignored so many signs of disrespect and non-loving behavior along the way. That she excused them. That she didn't feel she deserved a better man, a better love, something stronger and truer and less hurtful. That she had to experience such pain to break away from him. But I also rejoice in knowing that though it's a sorrowful, painful, embarrassing part of my story, it helped to bring me to the place I am today. A wife again in a marriage of eleven years with a man that I feel certain would never sleep with another woman in our bed. A mother of two beautiful children. A woman now seeking God's approval instead of a man's validation. I know now that God had much better plans for my life than that undeserving adulterous man. I remain uncertain of the goals He has purposed for me, but I am sure He's got it all figured out. And though I made some terrible decisions that caused me so much pain along my unordained path, God is now at work getting my footing stable and on the right road. He is an amazing God like that.

On the inside, I'm hugging that young woman tucked deep inside a distant memory of my soul. Today I'm reminding her that it wasn't her fault, that she deserved more than what he could ever give her, and that bigger things would happen just around the bend. And then I have to put her back where she belongs and out of the way of the present. Because that woman, well, she doesn't really live anymore. There's a new life brewing in the pot...

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, and the new has come! 2 Corinthians 5:17

1 comment:

Erika said...

I love you! I know this was a serious post, but I had to laugh at the shagging a hobag reference.