Tuesday, October 12, 2010

I hate cancer...

A lovely lady joined the Lord at home this morning. 5:21 a.m. Ms. Pam. Just one month short of her year anniversary of her diagnosis with pancreatic cancer.

Have I mentioned how much I hate cancer? Cancer of all kinds - I truly detest them all. I know it's not right to hate, but when I think of it not being right, I really think it's wrong to hate people. So, in my mind, I don't think God frowns upon me hating cancer. In fact, I'd like to think He stands beside me in that feeling. He must not be too terribly fond of cancer Himself. Sort of an aggravating snag in His beautiful creation.

Cancer - it's synonymous with loss. Not just the loss of life and breath, but the loss of faith and hope and energy and hair and radiance and weight and laughter. And the list could go on and on. To find a gain from cancer, you have to really look hard. But often time the gains in life aren't the obvious, especially those that rise out of despicable pain.

There must be some positive gain from cancer. After all, the Scriptures promise that all things work together for good for those that love the Lord. All things. Maybe even cancer. Maybe just seeing the love and faith of a family, like Ms. Pam's, blazing high like a campfire while she fought for her life - maybe that's the good that can rise. Maybe seeing the energy and support rallied around women battling cancer at the Race for the Cure - perhaps that's a good that I could gather. Perhaps it's just this huge loss of control that you have to accept when you find out that someone you love so dearly has cancer - maybe that could in some way be perceived as a positive. I guess the fact that I am trying so desperately to lean on God to get me through my mom's illness is the biggest gain of all.

Ms. Pam's death really upset me this morning. Each time I think of her family, I tear up a little. She has a daughter with two children, and a son (who happens to be married to my cousin) with two small children as well. So I automatically identify with them - especially her daughter who must learn to navigate the world now without her mom. Without her favorite person to call at the end of the day and share a funny about the kids or to ask advice. My heart grieves beyond words for a family that will never be the same. How can you ever be the same once the most central part of your family is gone?

If you are reading this post, please stop right now and say a prayer for Ms. Pam's family... for her husband, her children and grandchildren. And pray for all who are dealing with the tragic losses that cancer bring.


www.mysisterdalesgarden.com said...

I hate cancer too!! I lost my sister to lung cancer. It's not the same without her. Six years have gone by and her memorial garden offers me a place to appreciate the beautiful flowers she sends me. Please dedicate a flower to Ms Pam and her family.

Erika said...

I'll word this politely, so you can post it, but Screw Cancer! and I think God feels the same way. And I guess another good you can gain is how much better Heaven will be without it! I sent up a prayer before sending this comment.