I think back over the years of costumes. We did Eeyore at just four months of age, and I must confess he was the most precious sanguine blue-grey donkey I've ever seen in my life. We did Super Man one year, he was a Power Ranger twice, he's done two types of ninjas, and he made a great Indiana Jones a couple of years ago. Last year, he sorta started hinting around that he wanted to be something scary.
"I like the Scream guy..."
"No, David... the Scream guy scares me, and you're not gonna be anything that scares me. And nothing with blood."
He settled last year for some white ninja thing-a-ma-bob from GI Joe, and when we arrived at our place to trick or treat and saw that most of his friends were something scary, I could tell he was disappointed. Not that I am into the whole it's what everybody is doing thing, but it does break your heart to see that your kid feels like they didn't get to do something that he feels like he is ready to do and it's truly not harmful to their soul.
Yesterday, we went to the Spirit Halloween store here in Alabaster. Now that's a place that is harmful to your soul... definitely not for the faint at heart. But the costumes at Wally-World totally ate it this year, so we opted for the Halloween store instead. I was amused to see that most mothers in the store had the same distinct look on their face as I did: "WE ARE ALL GOING TO HELL IF THE GOOD LORD COMES RIGHT NOW... THIS PLACE IS OF THE DEVIL."
David, like any good hearted nine year old, gravitates toward all the stuff that scares the crap out of me - the Scream mask and the freaky clowns. I don't particularly like clowns anyway, whether specifically designed to scare people or not. They are strange to me, the way their faces are painted on and you can't tell what they are really thinking or feeling - only the emotion painted on their white face. If you don't think that's strange, well then you're strange. And my son likes the weirdo clowns that have blood around their mouths and razors for fingernails. I have failed him along the way somehow, I fear... As for the Scream mask, I think that movie was one of the first horror/scary movies I ever watched. And it scared the crap out of me. Therefore, I don't like it. And the mask somewhat resembles a clown without his emotion painted on his face yet, and the vicious cycle continues.
We walked out of the weirdo Halloween store with a Jason costume complete with hockey jersey, wicked hockey stick, and a bloodied mask. I am still struggling with allowing my son to dress up as a murderer. Like, is that okay? I don't remember my brothers dressing up at all because they were so much older than me. I never dressed up like a murderer, but I remember doing a punk rocker which was mainly a modified Madonna. And to be honest, I'd rather have my son dress up like Jason than have my daughter dress up like Madonna. Of course, last year Madalyn was Hannah Montana, but that was before Miley's release of her controversial album and dressing up in feathers and dancing in a cage. This year she's a pretty pink witch... oh, dear. I've really lost it this year with the costumes, haven't I?
I find myself looking at the nine year old lately and wondering what happened to David? Oh, and when will this nine year old be planning on returning my David? Or will he? Where has my sweet boy gone? The one that was scared of the loud sound of the weed eater. The one that stood on the hearth of the fireplace and performed Barney songs for me. The one that did Power Ranger moves all day long. The one that was nervous on the first day of kindergarten. Sometimes, I feel like time is slipping away....... and there's no amount of holding on tight I can do to stop it. So I have to let go a little. Even if it means buying a Jason costume. I guess only in the end will I know if I let go at the right times and held on when I should have. Only time will tell...