I was so envious of her then. We were complete opposites. She had this blond hair with amazing natural curl. She was tiny, petite, always dressed to the nines in the latest fashion. Her parents had tons of money. She was just one of those girls - cute, perfect, put together. She was everything I felt I wasn't. We never spoke to each other back then, but we definitely despised each other from a close distance when we were around one another. And ultimately, she got the guy. He broke up with me and started dating her.
Fast forward to my twenties, and we started running into each other out and about. We recognized one another in the bathroom one night at a bar, and we sat down on this bench and laughed and laughed about the old days. It was great to reminisce about when I hated her and she hated me and that we were both crazy to have been ga-ga over that particular guy.
I have found myself, in the present day, still in a state of envy. She still looks perfect. Still petite and incredibly thin. Still has the most beautiful blond hair with all this natural body. Dresses even better now and with the matching accessories. I find myself looking at her pictures and rolling my eyes... looks like the perfect family, the perfect clothes, the perfect body, the perfect life.
God humbled me this morning as I read her status from last night mourning the loss of a baby that would have turned six today. I mean, He hit me right over the head with a ginormous brick and said to me, "You see, Tamara... everyone has their trials and struggles. Quit focusing on the outside." You know, the truth is, life's not perfect. No matter how things appear from the outside, everyone has their own tragedies they are mourning on the inside. No matter how cute and perfect and blond the woman, she's battling something inside.
So, I've gained a little weight in the past few months. My skin is not flawless. I am not an all-put-together dresser, nor do I accessorize well. I am not the picture of a cute little blond Barbie on the outside. My kids' clothes don't always match. But those things aren't me. It's what is inside. And I truly hate it that there's still a part of me that gets caught up in the external.. that envies other women because of how they look on the outside without ever questioning what they are going through in their heart.
So here's a big kick in my rear this morning... let go of the earthly jealousies and envies... let go of what the world says is beautiful... let go of the false visions of perfection in your own mind... and let God go to work on the stuff that really matters.