Monday, October 4, 2010

Blogger's Block

I don't know why I am having such a hard time writing a post here lately. I will start one, and then I just go blank. Like I can't complete a thought. I have a lot to say, but don't know how to say it all, and most of it is completely random unrelated subject matter.

One is divorce - we have some friends who have recently gotten a divorce. Even though we are not extremely close to the couple, it's weird watching it all take place. I went through the same deal last year with some friends, and the man from that relationship has just gotten remarried. In the most recent situation, both the man and woman are now seeing people and are giddy with excitement. Maybe I read too much into things... maybe I am just strange. But it's hard for me to be excited for people who have thrown their family away and give it no extra thought. I know that there are reasons for divorce. I get it that there are occasions in life where there is no other option. But to see parents move on so quickly from marriages that have lasted ten or eleven years and produced two or three children, well, it's just plain sickening. It's hard to accept that this new person is the gravy on the mashed potatoes, and the person they once shared their life with is nothing to them anymore. It's just plain weird.

I've been writing a lot. Writing and revising and polishing and perfecting. Last week, I specifically worked on a piece for a writing contest I plan to enter. This piece is highly personal and moving and drained the ever-loving life out of me. It also woke up parts of my brain and forced me to think about some things I don't like to focus my energy on much anymore. I dreamed like crazy last week - vivid, random, wacky dreams.

The funny thing about dreams is that when you try to talk about them out loud, they don't make any sense. There are some dreams that I know right away what they mean, and others I never can quite figure out. But I believe fully that every dream means something whether we want to admit it or not - and whether we can figure out their meaning or not. But that's what last week was - this strange fusion of dreamworld while asleep and imagination land while awake. Several nights last week, I lie awake in bed writing pages in my novel. I wanted so desperately to get up and go downstairs and write. But I certainly don't want to get in the habit of doing that. Hopefully now that Scott as returned to work (as of today), I can get back into my schedule of writing during the day, of purging my imagination before I lie down at night to go to sleep. (Is it "lay" or "lie"?? That was the grammatical question of the week last week... and the grammatical lesson of the week. I think I have it figured out now, Erika...)

Anywho... lots of things tossing and turning in my mind. But that's pretty much always, isn't it? Part of the joy of a melancholy, artsy soul. I guess part of the segment of life I'm in the midst of as well. Watching those around me and how they handle life. Taking the evidence and weighing it carefully to determine just how close I should let others in. Trying to use what I have to show others God's love, even though what I have is a highly imperfect display. But I am working on things. And I believe right now I am rambling...


1 comment:

Erika said...

What I never get is how someone can get divorced and just remarry so quickly after so many years. Personally, i think I would want a break from relationships to try and figure myself out and what went wrong so I don't do it again. I think I'll just stay married instead. Too much work to start over. ha