Friday, September 24, 2010

Mommy moment...

I don't have many mommy moments... I'm fairly forthcoming about how my kids get on my nerves and generally perturb me. Hey, what can I say? I'm honest.

But tonight, I glanced over at Madalyn who was lying on her back in our swing. It's a metal frame swing we bought several years ago at Service Merchandise when they were going out of business. So, she was lying on her back, legs propped up on the frame swinging herself from side to side with the push of her little narrow feet. Her big brown eyes scanned above and around her. Big brown eyes... looking everywhere, thoughts behind them, a little brain spinning inside. Scott looked at me and asked, "What do you think she's thinking about?" I had no idea. Still don't know. But I had one of those moments where her little tiny life passed before my eyes. Where the still and silent moments of motherhood raced through my heart and left me thinking, "Where has the time gone?"

Just yesterday, I warmed her bottle in the middle of the night and held her close. She made the most precious baby noises when she drank her milk. I can feel the gentle pat of her chunky baby hands on my arm or the tug on my shirt. Her tiny fingers would latch onto any fabric it could find and pull. Not a hard or aggravated pull, yet one of discovery. Of softness. Of cling to the fabric of peace. She still does it at five. She finds the perfect spot on her blanket with her fingers and runs it in between, feeling each thread one by one, soaking in all that the sense of touch will allow. I can see her eyes - those big brown eyes - scanning the room around her as she drinks her bottle. The same brown eyes that read today. The same brown eyes that watch Hannah Montana and pick out her favorite outfit to wear to school. The same eyes that roll back at my request for her to clean up her room.

I can't help but think about who she was. Who she is today. Who will she become? No matter what, she'll carry those big brown eyes, full of wonder and delight. No matter what, I will always remember every step of the way. No matter what, she'll always be my baby girl. No matter how loud she yells, how tall she gets, how many tears fall from those eyes, she will always be my baby girl. Always. And I hope that five years from now, I'll think back on this night and remember seeing those big brown eyes gazing into the dusky sky. I hope those eyes will still sparkle as bright then as they do today...

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