Wednesday, May 5, 2010

A little unmotivated...

I am feeling a little unmotivated here lately... maybe it's Spring fever. I'm ready for the kids to be done with school, though I'm really not ready for them to be at home with me ALL DAY LONG. I'm just done with the bedtimes and the wake-up times and the rushing around of the morning and the homework and the lunch account and the little plastic sandwich bags. Just done with school, and I'm not even the one who has to go.

I have a stack of catalogues and a promisingly great new novel sitting in my kitchen waiting on me to pick them up and read them. But I am so unmotivated that I can't even pencil in the time to sit down to read. I haven't been reading my commentary on Isaiah or my Bible. My mind just seems to be on auto-tumble... like that option that some fancy dryers have these days. Mine doesn't have it, but I know my neighbor's does. It's an option that if the clothes are left in the dryer and not promptly removed, the machine will automatically turn itself on and give them a little fluff so as not to wrinkle. Whoever thought of that might believe them self to be a genius, but in my house, it would be the death of my electricity bill!!! My dryer would tumbling all day. Just like my brain here lately.

So what am I tumbling about? I don't know... all kind of stuff. Sometimes, I wish I could plug my brain into a computer that could print out in neat little rows and columns all the contents of my thoughts. Organize them and color code them so that maybe even I could begin to understand all the gibberish that is in my head. I've got all these thoughts and dreams and goals here lately, but they are just spinning. And spinning. And fluffing... you know, so as not to wrinkle. And then there are all the negative thoughts that perpetuate as well that seem to keep the positive thoughts up in the air. So maybe that same computer could categorize my thoughts and would have a category for negative, Debbie Downer thoughts and a handy-dandy delete button especially for them.

Wow... the more I think about this futuristic computer idea, the more I like it. Organize, categorize, and a delete option. If only it were that simple.

The human mind. My human mind. Capable of so much, yet doubting its own power and ability. Creativity buzzing, but afraid of the next step (and still uncertain of what the next step even is). But at least my mind is spinning. Some people never get to experience the feeling of a brain all abuzz with ideas and creativity. And at least I'm one of the fortunate ones who knows how great that feels....

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