On my reading list for the past several weeks has been a commentary on the Book of Isaiah on loan to me from my dad. I'm sure the thought of a book (well, actually it's a two volume edition) written about a book of the Bible may not appeal to all, but the English major in me is just giddy with the thought of learning more about the words of Isaiah and the time in which they were written. I am still quite a nerd deep down inside, even though reading is not my favorite pass time.
Saturday, during the storms, I sat down to read from my little commentary on Isaiah and read the following words written about Isaiah's call from the Lord into prophecy in the sixth chapter:
"No human being is worthy to serve and represent God, but anyone can be made fit for his service by purification. Not only must people be cleansed before they can fulfill a holy purpose, but they are cleansed in order to fulfill the purpose God has for them."
So, I just kinda sat there and said, "Thank you, Mr. Terry Briley." That's who wrote the book - Terry Briley. And I'm sure when he sat down who knows how many years ago to write about the beauty and magnificence that is Isaiah, he never once dreamed some worn out stay-at-home mom would be reading his words one day and hear exactly what she needed to hear about serving the Lord. It made me realize that God can work with anything. Even me. It reminded me that even the prophet Isaiah felt unworthy of his commission, and his words are still being read and cited today.
I've been reading and studying and finding things in the Word of God lately. I'm putting ideas and thoughts together. Consider it a very long brain-storming session. I've got my highlighters and notebooks and articles and commentaries. And I've had my doubts, too. I've doubted if God could really take me and my story and my humble knowledge and understanding of Him and his Word and use it to serve Him. Until I read that little snippet in the commentary on Isaiah.
See, much of my doubt about whether or not I can be used as a vessel is my own sin. Yes... I know we all sin. But I guess there are times in my life where I feel like my sins are a little less Christian-like than some other sins. Like mine are a little more messy. You know, harder to come clean. But I have to remind myself that by God's grace we are all saved, and that there are no limits to His forgiveness and power. I am the limiter, not Him.
So, I'm still here. I am reading and studying, and my mind is spinning out of control. And I'm praying for that process of purification to continue in me, along with the gaining of knowledge and understanding. Through that, I know a beautiful work will emerge.