I am thinking of offering my services to our fine Vice President, Mr. Joe Biden. I must admit, Mr. Biden has always fascinated me with his perfectly quaffed hair, a tan better than any I've had in the middle of July, and the most amazingly white teeth inhumanly possible. And being married to a car man myself I don't hesitate to add that he looks like the picture I have in my mind when I think of a shady used car salesman. Or televangelist. Either one.
I was, along with a gazillion other Americans, mortified to hear the f-bomb come out of the VP's mouth in a clip on my fave morning show. I get it that he's a wee bit excited. I mean, what Democrat wouldn't be excited about this health care reform bill finally passing? But I would think that the VP of the most powerful country in the world might have a broad enough vocabulary to express himself without using expletives. Even if he wasn't the Vice President, he's of grandpa age, and there's just something about an f-bombing grandpa that doesn't settle well with me either. And even if he's not a grandfather (cause to be honest, I don't really know enough about him to know if he has grand kids or not), he just looks too darn perfect to utter such profanity. In front of the President of the United States. And those two microphones on the podium right in front of him.
So, I'd like to offer some other phrases he could have whispered in the President's ear in the midst of his excitement about health care reform. Instead of, "This is a big f#*$ing deal," he could have said...
"I am so glad I finally bought my own tanning bed!"
"Do these hair plugs make me look fat?"
"Thank God we're not poor!"
"You don't think the middle class is really buying this, do you????"
"Of course we'll be passing that tampon tax next week..."
"I forgot to pick up that pack of cigarettes for you..."
Instead, Mr. Biden stuck with the good ole' predictable, "This is a big f#*$ing deal."
Well, you're right, Joe. This is a big deal. And if you were so excited about doing what you claim all this fuss is about - helping those in this country who can't afford good health care - I would think something like this would have spilled off your lips:
"What an amazing moment, Mr. President. I'm so proud of what we've done!"
Instead, what rolled of his tongue was more like what a underage frat boy would say if he had finally scored a fake ID with his own picture on it.
I think what amazes me the most about his statement is that he's whispering profanity into the President's ear. I mean, I don't care if you are Republican or a Democrat or from Australia... if you were speaking to the President of the United States, the absolute last word that would come to my mind would be the f-bomb. And I totally get it that Mr. Biden is probably a little over that wow factor that would get the majority of us, but there's still the little fact that he's speaking to his boss. And I don't know many people (or at least I hope I don't) that would spout off the f-bomb to their boss. Unless, of course, they were being fired or actually caught their boss sleeping with their spouse.
Needless to say, I'm slightly disappointed with my Vice President and his lack of control of his tongue. And this comes from someone who used to suffer from the same condition. But I learned to control my tongue when the little ears around me learned to repeat what flowed from my mouth. And I would expect nothing less from the Vice President of my country. Unless the government outlawed any form of unnatural tanning, and then I might could excuse his use of profanity...