Dearest Sinus Cavities,
I know things have been really tough here lately with all the rain and ups and downs of the temps and the trees beginning to bud. But we need to come to an agreement on what we're going to do with all this mucus. You and me must have a meeting of the minds...
Seems here lately you like to let the mucus just roll down the throat and settle into the bronchi or get hung up in the back of the throat. This leaves me no choice than to cough and strangle on mucus all day. I've become all too familiar with spitting, even finding myself spitting in public - at the ball park, on the way to pick my son up from school, in the parking lot of the grocery store. I caught my daughter spitting the other day and told her it wasn't nice. She responded that I do it, so why can't she? I didn't quite know what to say except that I had nasty stuff I needed to spit out of my mouth, and one shouldn't spit unless they cough up nasty stuff.
She offered her advice, of course. She informed me that she swallows the nasty stuff, and I told her that I probably did the same thing when I was five. But my stomach can't handle that anymore.
I've been trying to blow my nose a lot here lately to encourage the movement of mucus in that particular direction, but to no avail. The mucus refuses to travel through the nostrils. So I am asking you, dear sinuses, if you could help me with this little problem. We've never been in this predicament before. We've had stubborn mucus that simply refused to move out, but we've never had a river of it streaming down the back of the throat and then wanting to paddle its way back up again.
I'm doing my part. I've started a daily dose of generic over-the-counter Claritin. So, sinuses, it would be fantastic if you could just stop producing the stubborn mucus all together. If you can't oblige this request, then will you please talk some sense into it. Tell the mucus it's much easier to wait with you and allow itself to be blown out of the nose than it is to go all the way down the throat and have to come back up again.
I thank you in advance for your cooperation in this matter.
P.S. With all this health reform stuff going on, I'd appreciate it if we could work this out amongst ourselves and not be dependent on a doctor for help. I really don't want to find myself waiting in a line at a health clinic in a few years strangling on and spitting out mucus in front of a bunch of total strangers. Thanks a million!