This post will be a little scattered. I simply need to purge myself, to write some things down.
I think we have all crossed over to the dark side at some point in our life. We all get depressed. We all feel anxiety about the future. But one thing I will never understand is what gives one person the ability to see the light at the end of the tunnel when another cannot.
The past several days have been a blur. A friend of mine has crossed over to the dark side, and I have done my best to pull her back across. She spent the weekend in my home visiting, talking, playing with my kids, and when she left on Sunday morning, she seemed one step closer to the light. But events outside of any one's control led her to attempt to take her life early Tuesday morning.
She's a wife, a mother, a daughter, a friend. And I don't think I'll ever understand the hopelessness she felt in that moment - a darkness so strong that you can't see tomorrow or the next hour of your life.
I know I did all I could do - except one thing. I didn't share the hope of Jesus Christ with her. I didn't share the sacred word of the scripture with her. I talked to her about God's plan for her life and how He had so many great things in store for her, but I never sat down with His divine word and showed her what it says about her. And I regret that dearly, more than I've ever regretted anything in my life.
I saw her yesterday, lying in a bed, hands and feet bound, tubes and machines working for her. And after seeing her in that state, I don't know if I will ever be the same. I don't know that anyone should ever be the same after seeing someone they know in that state - the physical manifestation of hopelessness.
My goal over the next few days is to sit down with my Bible and put something together for her. I want to share with her the power of my God - her God - our God. I want to let her in on the secret I have held on my tongue - the power of a risen Savior. This power transcends all comprehension here on earth. I am not foolish enough to believe that it makes all these earthly problems just disappear, but it is a glimmer of hope... a firefly on a warm summer night... a fresh set of batteries in a flashlight... a brightly shining star. It just may be that one thing that gives us the ability to see the light. And I know it's the one thing I owe her more than anything else in the world.
She is doing as well as can be expected. The long term physical effects of what she has done are still unknown. But it's no secret that she has a long road of healing and working through some problems in her life. I ask for prayers for her, for her family, that she will be connected with the right group of people who can break through all the darkness and help her connect with who she is really meant to be.
"For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." Romans 8:38-39