There is much on my mind this morning. I had a hard time sleeping last night. I woke up several times hearing the sounds of roaring thunder in the distance and seeing the flashed through the blinds. I could tell it was off in the distance, but I didn't know if it was headed toward us or not. My head was hurting a little from a long day in the sun. I was worrying about Buddy (yes, Buddy is the dog, and I fret about him being frightened of the thunder). And my thoughts were with my 90 year old grandfather who fell yesterday and broke his femur.
The femur is an ugly break for a person of any age. So to know that my feeble grandfather who has seemingly already used up all of his nine lives has broken the largest bone in his body is a true upset. The break requires surgery which involves pins and screws and hardware, and then after surgery, he would need physical rehabilitation. It's just not a good situation for anyone involved.
This is a time in life when you don't know what to pray for... you just can't choose the words. What do you request of God? Healing is beyond the stretch of your imagination - he is almost 91 years old and living with a host of medical issues. He is so frail. I know that God is capable of anything, but what is really the best for him? No matter what the outcome, it will be a long and arduous road of recovering. I am just not sure his body has the strength for this fight.
My favorite book of the Bible is Romans. I won't pretend to be a Bible scholar, but I have read the New Testament through twice, and Romans is just a book that I cling to. It's a little ironic for me, someone who doesn't really go to church and doesn't have the most Christian looking life, to cling to one of the most admonishing books of the Bible. But when I read it for the first time in my adult life, I discovered so much power I had never really seen or heard of during my many years in the church during my youth. One of my favorite verses in Romans talks about the Holy Spirit - that when you pray the Holy Spirit intercedes for you in words and moanings we cannot understand. Of course, that was my recollection and paraphrasing. That is perhaps the most refreshing verse I have ever read - to know that when I don't know what to say that God's own Spirit will intercede for me. It is boggling to the rational mind, but if you let that go, it makes perfect sense. God is all knowing - He knows my thoughts, my fears, my true desires and His Spirit can take that crazy jumbled up mess in my head and interpret it.
So, this morning, there are so many burdens on my heart. I have a dear friend who is suffering with some personal issues, and my heart just aches for her. I have another friend going through some difficult physical problems, and I hope that she will find some healing. My grandfather awaits possible surgery this morning, and I don't know if he is even able to make it through the surgery he needs to continue his life. There are other things on my mind as well - so many things. And so I guess I just have to lift all those issues up to the one being who can make any sense of all these thoughts.
I pray that my grandfather can keep his dignity in life... will not suffer more than necessary... that he has a peace of spirit and has made his heart right with his God... strength for my grandmother and a peace of mind for her... that's all I can really hope for right now. That's all.