Between the dead squirrel in the pool and burning three of my fingers on a very hot iron and watching my little Bandits get the snot beat out of them twice - well, between all of that, it's just been a rough week.
Why is it that when you're down, nothing seems to go right? Doesn't seem fair (Imagine me crossing my arms and stomping my right foot as I say that).
I have just been hovering above a depression lately - just slightly above it, but knowing it is there. The blue thread weaving in and out. The feeling that things might not get better, though everyone else around me feels certain they will. The feeling that I just don't have the energy to make it through the day right now. I know part of my problem is a lack of faith. But a part of it, too, is the little blue thread I have talked about before - the depression that seeps in from time to time, sometimes when you least expect it, other times when you know it will. Like now - things are tough, so I would expect to feel a little down. But it doesn't make it any easier.
I'm fine. Just down today. Just wanting one thing to work out right now. Just one small thing. And I might just have to start digging deeper to find those things. Oh - I've got one... Madalyn asked me to read her a story yesterday. Might sound usual to some, but not for me. Madalyn has never cared to sit down and look at a book. David did from such an early age, but not my little girl. She doesn't sit still for much. But yesterday, while I was on the phone with my mom, she came to me with a book and asked me in her sweet little voice if I would read her a story. And I am so glad I was home with her to do that, no matter how hard it's been lately to be here and know that financially I could be doing so much more. I am glad I had the chance to read her that story. And she sat and listened to it all, and it was really a great little moment for us. We don't get many of those, me and Madalyn. Not many at all.
So that's what I'll do. Try harder every day to look for smaller things to be happy about. Because they are there; I know they are. It's just this damn blue thread that wants to convince me otherwise.