Wednesday, March 11, 2009

It's Been A While

It's been a while since I have done a grateful post. And I think today more than I ever I need to pause and appreciate the little things in my life.

I am grateful we received a paycheck yesterday. It wasn't all we needed, but it was something. And these days in the car business, and in many other businesses as well, something is much better than nothing at all. There were many people in my husband's company that didn't get a paycheck yesterday. There is something that most people don't understand about car men. They tend to get a bad reputation and are typically portrayed in a negative way. But what most don't see is the long hours - eleven and twelve hour days - they work. And not easy work; it may be easy on the hands but not on the mind. Talking to people all day, being lied to about income and job status, chasing down pay stubs and proof of residency, and sometimes even locating cars and playing repo-man. My husband does it all, and he takes such great pride in what he does. To put all that time and energy into your work and have the possibility of not receiving a paycheck at all - well, you can only imagine how that would feel. So I am beyond grateful that he got something yesterday. Not only for our financial well being, but for him. For his spirit. For the man who has to get up six days a week and keep on going no matter what.

I am grateful for my husband. I have really struggled with this one lately. I recently found myself in a bad place in my heart. I was holding such resentment toward my husband. He worked too much. He wasn't attentive enough. He didn't hug me enough. Blah, blah, blah. Basically, I harped on the little things that aggravated me, forgetting all the wonderful things about him. We have been through many rough times together. But each time, we emerge stronger than ever. More committed. And today I find myself grateful for a man in my life that is as committed to me and our family as I am to him. I am grateful for a man who is willing to work his fingers to the bone to provide for his family. I am thankful he is an honest man who wants to make his living with a clear conscience. I am grateful we have matured together and come to a place in our lives where we are beginning to understand together what really matters in life. Are there things I wish I could wave my twinkly magic wand over and make perfect?? Sure. But I love him anyway. And I can't find that darn wand anywhere...

I am so grateful for this place. This little bloggy place. Some days, I feel so guilty for sitting down at the keyboard for any amount of time. I look around me and see all the things that need to be done. I often times have Madalyn leaning on me or barking requests and demands at me. In other words, it is difficult for me to put those things to the side and unload. But I just have to. I need a place to dump my baggage now more than ever. Life is this big teeter-totter for me, and I am hanging on for dear life. Things are not dreadful - we are not losing our home, the power is still on, and we will eat all three meals a day every day. But this is a precarious time for us. A time to slow down and scale back. A time when many marriages fail and families fall apart. And I need this little bloggy place to counsel myself, to reflect on the daily funnies of life, to make fun of myself (or my husband and children), to rebuke myself, or to just unwind. And I am so grateful to have this place of my own... that I happen to share with anyone in the whole wide world that wants to read it. I guess I could have chosen a yellow legal pad as I did in high school, but that wouldn't be nearly as adventurous now would it??

One last thing - I am grateful I have my wits about me. This guy that killed so many in our quiet, fair state of Alabama yesterday could not have possibly had his wits about him. I just learned that he set a dog and his mother and her house on fire yesterday before beginning his rampage on so many innocent people. This isn't normal. This is not someone that has normal mental faculties. I am so grateful I have my wits about me, because the thought that the human brain can go so haywire as to allow this behavior to take place is just horrifying to me. Just had to comment on some current events and not just on myself so as not to seem narcissistic.

Bottom line is that I am grateful for the things I have to day, and not just for the tangible things. For the family my husband and I have built together, and for the things that really matter in our life.


Erika said...

I like these posts! It's good for me too. :)

carrie said...

Great things to be thankful for. I am thankful that we can all share our feeling with each other and encourage one another. I am glad you got a paycheck and will keep those that didn't in my prayers!

Nana's Notes said...

You certainly do have your "wits" about you to realize what blessings you really many don't.

RunnerMom said...

Great post! I love what blogging does for me as well. I've also felt the need to put my thoughts down on paper since 9th grade (I used a spiral though). One day, I freaked out about someone reading them and threw them away. I guess my blog is my journal now.