Dear Crazy Mama,
Will you please do yourself a favor and back away from the birthday cake. I know you paid good money for it, and I know it beckons you each time you get within, say, fifteen feet of it. However, swimsuit season is just around the corner. And you know you will be wearing one everyday. In other words, you will have sets of new boobs if you don't stop now - one on your stomach and one where they should be.
Oh, and you might just want to back off of anything that comes in a box or plastic bag. In other words, stay away from the carbs. Unless, of course, they are nutritious whole grain items. But I don't believe there is much of that in your house right now, so there probably won't be much confusion there.
Please stop eating so much. Please.
With love and concern,