I have been in a dark place lately (in case no one could tell). Partly, I guess, from just not feeling well for so long. But mostly, I think, because I have been an ungrateful, selfish, bratty child. I have completely lost sight in how fortunate I am and focused solely on the negative parts of my life. Yes - I am alone most of the time. But I do have a husband who loves me and is really doing his best to provide for his family. No - my husband is not everything I dreamed he'd be. He is emotionally unavailable, grumpy and snappy, and completely clueless about what really makes me happy. But he has changed so much for the better since the day I first laid eyes on him and is working hard to figure me out.
Something moved me on the news the other day. The coverage was about this deal going on in the Gaza Strip, which I don't even pretend to understand, and the piece showed a woman in the streets fainting. The warning sirens had just gone off to let them know a bomb was about to be dropped, and she fell in fear. I have never known that feeling. I venture to say I never will. And there I sat on my couch next to my husband in our safe home with food to eat and warm blanket covering me. It was then that I thought to myself, "I need to be more grateful."
So in this new year, I want to devote a day - maybe two - a week to write some posts about things for which I am grateful. And this will not be done to impress anyone but rather to remind me that my life is slam full of things to be thankful for. Full. To the brim.
Let's start today, shall we?
I am grateful for our fine country. It is not perfect. It is not everything it should be. But we are a free people. We make our own decisions, we worship the way we see fit, and we have plentiful resources. And no matter how things may seem, I believe that, as a country, our people will always come together in times of need for the good of humankind.
I am grateful for Kleenex. This sounds so stupid, I know, but think about a world with no Kleenex. I have blown through three big boxes in the past month. What would I have done without tissues? Would I have to constantly reuse and wash handkerchiefs? There are not enough in the world, I promise. And who exactly invented the Kleenex? I am so grateful for the invention. It is a simple, mundane thing, the face tissue, but if we didn't have them, life would be different. Maybe not every day, but it would make a difference in your life. I think I will do some research on the history of Kleenex. If I find anything interesting, I will report back.
I am so very grateful that I am feeling better. As I said last week, I feel that there is a purpose behind tough times. There are always lessons to be learned form any circumstance in life. I still haven't figured this one out. And though I wasn't on death's door, I really felt bad for a month and a half. Like I just couldn't get back on my feet. In the past couple of days, I have finally gotten my strength back. I have gotten some good rest. I can breathe again through both nostrils. And I thank God for making me better and ask that he help me understand the valuable lessons I can gleam from feeling so bad. Hmmm... like maybe you need to work on self control and not yell at your kids because you are frustrated and not feeling well. It could be something like that.
Okay. That's it for today. I know I will do one a week. And as you can see, they won't be about anything fancy. I am not really a fancy person. I just want to begin to focus on the little things in my day to day life that matter. Some will be deep, some not. But they will all be genuine.