Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Thoughts on the New Year

There's just something about new beginnings. Even though it's just another day, even though it's not a beginning but just a continuation, the New Year does make me feel fresh. Am I the only one who wishes I could package up the feelings and mistakes of the year behind and truly have a fresh start? If only things were that simple...

I knew this year would come. I knew this year of my life was approaching. I am feeling antsy. I am unsatisfied with myself. I am nowhere near content. I have so many changes to make within me that I don't know where to start. So, as far as resolutions go, I think I'll fore go the list of 47,382 things I need to do or change. I think I will focus this year on figuring out who I'd like to be.

It just seems the bulk of my life has been spent living around others' ideas and needs. I feel in recent years I have lost so much of myself - of my spirit - and I want to find a way to get it back. I want to do the things that matter most to me. I want to instill more value in my children's lives. I want to set a better example for my kids. I want to be a better mother. I want to make decisions for myself and stick to them. But most importantly, I need the courage and the energy to make some big changes in my life. And I am so doubtful in my competence. Isn't that horrible? Can I really be the person I imagined I would be so many years ago?

So, anyways - new beginnings. Fresh start. Wipe the slate clean. Roll up my sleeves and get busy on myself. I have a lot of work to do this year. Well, it is still next year right now, but you know what I mean.

Happy New Year, everyone!!

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