Wednesday, December 17, 2008

In response...

In response to a comment left on Erika's blog after her confessions of her "dream-boy", the person from my past that I dream about is Wade. He was my biggest crush all through elementary school, he broke my heart in the ninth grade, and then his death really freaked me out (as it did most of us, I would assume). It is weird dreaming about him mostly because he is no longer alive. Sometimes in my dreams, he is alive, and I try to make sense of him being here again. Sometimes we are young again. And then sometimes, he is just there. You all know how dreams are - they are so strange and weird and don't seem to make any sense at all.


For a period of a few months, Wade was in my dreams several times a week. I know it sounds weird or creepy, but I just kept thinking it meant something but I couldn't quite put my hands on it. Around the same time, a song by Nickelback was popular and on the radio all the time - "Goodbye" is the title I think. And the song itself just reminds me so much of high school and I kept dreaming about Wade that died in high school, and it just seemed so strange. For some reason, the thought came over me that I still had notes from our little two day romance when I was in the ninth grade. I found them and looked up his mother's address and wrote to her to see if she would like to have them. Because I had held onto those notes all that time, and though they did mean something to me at some point, I guess, their importance had diminished. Since I had become a mother, I could see how the little things like just seeing his personality through a note would be priceless to her. I was glad when she responded and wanted them.


She has no idea what journey those notes had taken. My lovely ex-husband (when we were dating) found a bunch of my stuff from high school and went through it all and made me throw a ton of it away. First, I can't believe I allowed someone to tell me I needed to throw away all my memories. Second, I can't believe I married someone who would even dream of demanding the person he loved to throw away such precious things. And third, and most importantly, I refused to throw away the notes from Wade. Then factor in all the times I moved - I can count five times - and the fact that I never lost them or threw them out myself. I just never could part with them. And I am so glad I never did because I was able to give them back to the one person who would cherish them like no other - his mother.


Okay. So that was weird to talk about. But that's my deal - it's not the he was creepy, but it is creepy to dream about him. And I still dream about him from time to time. But not nearly as much as Erika dreams about Lee Fletcher....

4 comments:

Chelle said...

On my blog I have mentioned that I personally believe that our dreams are a way of allowing our souls to connect with other souls, unencumbered by our bodies so, maybe when you dream about Wade it is because his soul simply needs to visit yours. Friendship doesn't die just because a body does.

That's my theory, anyway.

carrie said...

Thanks for sharing it so I do not have to guess. I have thought about him and his death before. I have actually had to help some teens deal with death throught that experience. I can still remember the silence of the halls the days around his death. I have also thought about hos difficult it must have been for his mom. I pray that none of us have to endure that kind of pain!

Erika said...

It hits me sometimes too and I can't believe he's been gone so long, almost as long as he was alive. I like Chell's idea. See, Lee F just needs a friend. :)

Kristin said...

I think Wade's death was the first experience many of us had with someone so young, our age, dying. One of my biggest fears is losing one of my babies. I pray each night that I can keep them here for many years, and be here for them, but also that God will remind us of who he is no matter what comes our way. I have had so many dreams about my dad that seemed very real, and I believe that one of them especially was a real message from him.

Thanks for ending my curiosity. And I know his mom will cherish those notes. As for Lee F. and Erika?....