Friday, October 17, 2008

Rainy Friday

Oh, it's raining here today. Like coming on down rain. Like hasn't stopped since I woke up rain. Madalyn slept until almost nine. Why doesn't she ever do that when the rest of the house can sleep in? It just doesn't work that way.

I am so glad this week is near completion. The brightest light in my life right now is that pee wee football season is almost over and I will finally be able to delete a host of addresses from my Gmail. And hopefully not ever be team mom for a football team EVER AGAIN. We have one more game and our team's night to work the gate for a home game and then our end of the season get together. And then I will be free from the chains of football!!! A dad last night said to a few of us parents, "I just don't know what we'll do after this is over. What will we do with our time?" Ummm, I have a few thoughts. Live a normal life. Take my kids somewhere to eat maybe every once and a while. Play outside on a beautiful fall afternoon. Maybe the kids can get crazy and ride their bikes or something. The possibilities are endless. And I am counting down the days.

Another week of Weight Watchers is complete. No loss this week, but no gain as well. I sort of fell off the wagon I guess you could say. I ate Mexican food twice - like out at a grease ball Mexican restaurant. And pizza. I just really didn't adhere to the guidelines very well. So I was grateful just to maintain this week. But I am back on track. It is just so hard to be so good most of the time. So hard. But I really want to see my goal weight. So I will just have to keep trucking along. I really wish I could snap my fingers and I would be there. And that I could eat as many M&Ms as I wanted along the way. And Cheezits. And so on.

I guess my mood has lifted a little over the past couple of days. It is just so weird how your past creeps in to haunt you without any warning. I heard a song yesterday on the radio I really love. And old song by Fleetwood Mac - "Landslide." But yesterday, I truly heard the words for the first time. Isn't that strange how you can sing along to a song for years and know the words, and then one day you hear it and understand. In the first verse are the lyrics, "Can the child within my heart rise above." I guess that's the question we all face. Whether we believe it or not, we are all trying to reconcile our present life to one in our heads, checking and balancing along the way, noting the surplus and deficits within. Boy do I notice a ton of deficits within me. My life looks nothing like I thought it would look fifteen years ago. Not that it's bad - because it's not. It just looks different. Can anyone tell how truly crazy I am now?? How I internalize things entirely too much and over analyze beyond comprehension?? I know my dad is smiling right now... he knows my pain. Another frustrating trait I think I can blame on him.

Anyway. Enough about crazy me. I am going tomorrow to visit with my mom, and I am glad for that. I need desperately to get out of this house and do something besides watch sweaty stinky boys run around and tackle one another. And I am supposed to take the kids to my mother in law's house to spend the night so that we can visit with a couple of our friends in Prattville. That would really do the soul well. Hope everyone has a great weekend. I think the weather is supposed to be spectacular. Fall is finally here!!

1 comment:

Erika said...

Fall, what is this season you call Fall?