Thursday, October 23, 2008

Oh, happy day!!

Today must be a good day. It really has to be a good day. Three reasons:

1.) I just sent out the last email to my football parents. Hopefully the last. PEE WEE FOOTBALL IS SO OVER. And I am so glad.

2.) I lost three pounds during the last week of my Weight Watchers endeavor. That's ten pounds total. Not too shabby.

3.) Everyone is well. You really take for granted this concept of wellness. But when three of the four people in your family have been sick in the last two weeks, your nerves begin to fray and you just think it may never resume the crazy normalcy you have grown to love. But we are back there - at the crazy normalcy. My kids are fever free, and my husband is only half as grumpy as he was while he was sick.

So, all in all, things are good today.

The weight loss thing is getting a little easier. It helps that my addiction to food has really been curbed. I don't really think about food that much anymore. I am not really craving things like I was. My appetite has definitely diminished. Finally. It has just taken a back seat to the rest of my life. Which is good. But I think that food has been my source of comfort for so long and that could be the reason for my emotional upheaval. I liken it to Madalyn's blankie and David's kitty (yes, my seven year old son still sleeps with a stuffed tiger named Kitty - has since he was about ten months old - but please don't tell his friends). When you comfort your emotions with food for so long, it becomes unconscious behavior. The other day Madalyn fell asleep in the car. When I was getting her out of her car seat, she did this weird thing with her hands, and I tried to figure out what it was. I finally discovered that she thought she had her blanket in her had, and she was passing it from one side to the other so she didn't have to take her hands off of it. It is her one constant source of comfort - her blanket - and she just assumed she had it in her hands. So my blanket is lost right now. I am shaking the habit of food. And it is a struggle. Because when I am lonely or frustrated or angry or sad or happy or whatever, I like to eat. And that is simply unhealthy. So now I have to find a way to deal with all that crap in a healthy manner. Hence my unstable emotional status as of late. I don't know what to do with my loneliness, frustration, dissatisfaction. But I will find out. It may take my whole life to do it, but I will figure this life thing out. I will find my way. And I won't get fat doing it!!

As for the football deal, I am so glad it is over. No more happy looking team mom. No more chipper emails about practice and games and gate duty. I have been relieved. No more rushing around everyday to get to practice, get home, shovel food into my kids' mouths and push them in the bed. We can all relax a little. I think we need it. And I am so glad to report that David does not desire to play again next year. At all.

So all in all, it is a good day today. It's a good day.


Erika said...

Yay for 10 lbs! That's great!

RunnerMom said...

I just read all your updates. I'm glad everyone is well now. Was it strep? And we go to Doc in the Box all the time---so much more convenient, but ours has very little wait.

Congrats on the 10 lbs.! That seems like it came off pretty fast. And also congrats on pee wee being over. It's tough to be team mom!

When you talked about your evolving relationship with food and said you know don't know what to do with your "loneliness, frustration, dissatisfaction," I thought if we lived in the same city, I'd TOTALLY be your friend (in person)and help you work through it!

I always enjoy reading your story!