Monday, September 22, 2008

Twice Removed

Oh, me. Oh, my. I am just feeling a little BLAH today. I am tired. Definitely tired. It is sad when you stay up until midnight on Saturday night and are still feeling tired come Monday. It's not like I stayed up late five days in a row. Is that a sign that you are getting old??

Other than that, I just feel so removed from my life right now. I get this feeling from time to time. Like I am ready to get in my car and drive away - don't know where I would go or what I would do. I would just go away. Not forever, but maybe just for a few days. Just to get a break and a rest from my life. Does this sound horrible? Does this make me crazy? And it isn't like my life is horribly stressful. I mean, I am fortunate enough to not have to work outside the home, and we have certainly been blessed beyond what we deserve with earthly things. But there are sometimes that I feel so disconnected from my life. I don't know why. There doesn't seem to be anything that brings it on. I just get into this frame of mind, and I just have to wait for it to lift.

So what is it? Is it depression? Is it hormonal? Is it just cabin fever? I don't understand what causes it or what in turn makes it go away. But I do hope it will fade quickly this time around. I think part of my problem is that I keep so many thoughts and opinions to myself. Things build up inside and I internalize things entirely too much. And in trying to deal with my three year old, I feel like I have to numb myself so as not to over-react to her actions or yell too much.

Basically, I think it all boils down to the fact that I need a break. I need a break from my kids. Not only from the kids, but from all the stuff that comes along with them - the team mom crap, the laundry, the toys all over the house, the endless fixing of snacks and meals and juice cups. I need a break from my husband and all the things that come along with him - all the football, the laundry, and the endless list of things he wants me to do for him. If I had a real job, I would designate a sick day for myself. Unfortunately, it doesn't quite work that way around here. So I guess I will try to make it through the next few days and hope that the fog lifts within a day or two. Until then, I will keep trying to focus on other things.

One great thing about this week - the season premiere of Grey's Anatomy. It is at least it is one hour I can sit down and not think about my life at all. The joy of TV, right?

2 comments:

Terri said...

I can't speak with authority since I don't have kids, but I would say you are occasionally suffering from burnout. I think my sister may occasionally go through that. I think you are a great person, Tamara, and I hope you can lift yourself out of these blues. Maybe you need a mental health day - can you have someone else watch your kids for just one day so you can focus on yourself?

Erika said...

I'm going to pretend that your flight is already booked and say, just less than two months!