Oh, me. Oh, my. I am just feeling a little BLAH today. I am tired. Definitely tired. It is sad when you stay up until midnight on Saturday night and are still feeling tired come Monday. It's not like I stayed up late five days in a row. Is that a sign that you are getting old??
Other than that, I just feel so removed from my life right now. I get this feeling from time to time. Like I am ready to get in my car and drive away - don't know where I would go or what I would do. I would just go away. Not forever, but maybe just for a few days. Just to get a break and a rest from my life. Does this sound horrible? Does this make me crazy? And it isn't like my life is horribly stressful. I mean, I am fortunate enough to not have to work outside the home, and we have certainly been blessed beyond what we deserve with earthly things. But there are sometimes that I feel so disconnected from my life. I don't know why. There doesn't seem to be anything that brings it on. I just get into this frame of mind, and I just have to wait for it to lift.
So what is it? Is it depression? Is it hormonal? Is it just cabin fever? I don't understand what causes it or what in turn makes it go away. But I do hope it will fade quickly this time around. I think part of my problem is that I keep so many thoughts and opinions to myself. Things build up inside and I internalize things entirely too much. And in trying to deal with my three year old, I feel like I have to numb myself so as not to over-react to her actions or yell too much.
Basically, I think it all boils down to the fact that I need a break. I need a break from my kids. Not only from the kids, but from all the stuff that comes along with them - the team mom crap, the laundry, the toys all over the house, the endless fixing of snacks and meals and juice cups. I need a break from my husband and all the things that come along with him - all the football, the laundry, and the endless list of things he wants me to do for him. If I had a real job, I would designate a sick day for myself. Unfortunately, it doesn't quite work that way around here. So I guess I will try to make it through the next few days and hope that the fog lifts within a day or two. Until then, I will keep trying to focus on other things.
One great thing about this week - the season premiere of Grey's Anatomy. It is at least it is one hour I can sit down and not think about my life at all. The joy of TV, right?