Wednesday, September 3, 2008

The Stuff of Life

Our air conditioner is on the blink, and it is already 78 degrees upstairs. David has a fever and is home today from school. He missed his first football game last night. I need to cut the grass, but our blower is broken, and I don't know how to purchase a new one (I would never select the right one, I'm sure). Oh - and as if I needed to say this, as I am sure it resounds throughout our demographic across the country - we are broke and really don't have the available funds to fix any of this at this stage of the game.

Living the American dream.

Sunday night around 11:00, I awoke to flashing blue lights. Not typical in our quiet little neighborhood. I got up and peered through the slats of our blinds to try to see exactly what was going on. The police car wasn't on our street but up on the main road. Our house is only two houses away from a busy county road - two lane, scenic, and winding. In the four years that we have been here, there had been two bad wrecks in the curve at our neighborhood entrance. One was during the day and was a typical "somebody turned in front of another" wreck. But one of the drivers was trapped. The jaws of life were called out, and the woman had to be lifted by helicopter to the hospital. The second was a drunk guy in the middle of the night that just flat out ran off the road. My neighbor heard it occur and went out to assist. He said that the dude was so drunk that he got out of his truck unscathed despite the fact he was bleeding from his head.

Back to Sunday night - In my sleepy state, I couldn't really figure out what was going on. The car sat out there on County Road 12 for nearly two hours. I kept waking up every so often and could still see the flashing lights through the blinds. I assumed it was some sort of road block due to the holiday weekend. Yesterday, coming home from a doctor's appointment and nearly to our neighborhood, I was stopped abruptly in the road by flashing blues and pointed to take a detour. When I finally made it to the entrance to our subdivision, I asked the officer at the other end of the road block what was going on. He said there had been an accident involving a fatality on Sunday evening and they were there to reconstruct the accident. When I went to pick David up from school yesterday, all the parents were buzzing about the accident. I found out the details - it was a single car which veered off the road hitting a telephone pole. The hardest part to swallow was that it was a Hispanic male who could not be identified. He had no identification on him, and the police had not been able to positively id him. Sad story, don't you think? Two days after he was killed in a wreck, there was no one who had been able to identify him. I am sure he was illegal. And I am sure that all his friends and family here with him are illegal as well and are just frightened to call about him. Someone has to miss him. Someone out there has to know that he isn't at home. There has to be someone that would recognize his face. It just seems so cruel to me sometimes, the general stuff of life. The day to day disappointments and stresses. The bumps in the road. The reality that we are all mortal, along with everything around us. People die. Stuff breaks. Nothing is permanent that is of this world.

I have just been feeling a little let down lately. By people in general. Life can be so disappointing at times. I am at a stage in my life where I don't know who to trust. I cannot determine people's motivations the way I once thought I could. I feel distant from everyone around me. I have seen some not-so-pretty sides to some people around me lately and have me disappointed in them. And in myself. Women can be so catty. And gossipy. And mean. And I have had to distance myself from some people I am in contact with lately for all those reasons. About a month ago, I felt myself being sucked into that mentality - the swirl of idle gossip. And I didn't like myself for it. And I am glad I have separated myself from it. But it still pulls your spirit down. It still makes you question all the people around you and guard every word that comes from your lips. And I am typically not a guarded person. At all.

What this has to do with the unidentified man that died on our county road, I don't know. These are just the feelings I have been battling lately. The thoughts that have been flooding my mind. And I guess the only common thread they have is that I have put my faith and trust in the wrong things. And every time I do that, I will be disappointed. But our God, He is the one and only true and everlasting presence and existence. And that is where I need to base my faith and admiration. Something to work on. For the rest of my life I will be working on that.


Kristin said...

Oh, Tamara, please don't ever let something I blog about make you feel inadequate. I'm always over here feeling inadequate enough to go around for everyone. Thank you so much for your thoughts. And that last line in this post of yours - all we can do and all we are expected to do is run the race as well as we can. I am so thankful we can encourage one another through our blogs. Oh, and one thing about mortality and things breaking - nothing will ever be broken in heaven, WE will not be broken in heaven.

carrie said...

When my dear friend dies in January, it really shook my whole perspective on life. We are immortal beings. For me, it is not my death that disturbs me. I know that others would suffer, but I would be in a much better place. However, at times I am terrified of the thought of losing someone close to me. I have to pray that fear away many times. As I read your post and Kristin's post and reflect on my own current issues, I realize how satan is really trying to attack good mother's right now. Perhaps it is because Satan knows how vulnerable we are. I have a good friend who says this, "If satan is tempting you, you must be doing something right. It is when he is not bothering you that you should be worried". I guess that is atleast partly true. Why bother those he's already won. Just keep your eyes and heart focused on Him. Thanks for your thoughts.