I don't know what is going on around this house lately. I mean, I consider myself to be a good mom. Of course, I make mistakes as we all do. I yell when I should not. I am not always the queen of consistency. But I have tried, form day one, to talk to my children, hug them every day, expect the best from them, teach them empathy and kindness. And today, I feel like every attempt at goodness has failed.
David got in trouble today at school for the third day in a row on the third day of school. Not only is it disappointing, because this is not his typical behavior, but it is embarrassing. Embarrassing because I still feel like my child's actions are a direct reflection of my parenting. I know that I have no control over what he does at school, but I cannot help but think I have failed him in some way. How has he, all of the sudden, lost the ability to control his behavior? It is not like he is doing horrible and wretched things. But these little disregards for authority are no different in my eyes. It is the beginning to something much worse if left ignored.
Why does parenting have to be so difficult? Why can we not have the answers all in front of us and know exactly what to do at all times? The appropriate measures to take for every problem. The correct things to say. The proper ways to teach. Oh well. I guess all I can do is pray and just do this day by day. I just can't believe my David is behaving the way he is lately. I just can't make any sense of it.