Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Trying Day

Today has been an especially trying day with Madalyn. She just woke up in a mood, and I could quickly tell it would be one of those days. The entire day has consisted of fits of rage and screeching and squealing - and most of which I have no idea what for. Today is so not the day for her to do this. Today is the first day of our summer together - our endless stream of days with only me and the kids and not a whole lot of else to do. Granted, we will swim and have friends over and have a good time. But I am really uncertain how I will make it through this summer emotionally speaking. It seems of late that all Madalyn does is bark orders and cry and scream and whine in an attempt to get her way. I am not the kind of mother who caves in and gives my children everything they want. So this has led me to this awful place inside of just feeling numb. I have to numb myself from the feelings I have inside when she is carrying on and pitching a fit. I mean, I really have to separate myself from my mind because I get so frustrated with her that I am afraid of what I might do in frustration. Not to her necessarily. But the last thing I want to do during my frustration with her is say something I will regret or throw something (which is one way I demonstrate anger when the children are not around). It is just become so difficult lately to maintain my adult composure around her. I find it completely fascinating that someone so small and seemingly sweet can stir up these emotions in me.

Maybe it is time to call the Super Nanny. Perhaps she could loan me her naughty stool or mat. I am not sure Madalyn would ever leave it though.

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