Wednesday, December 12, 2007

What a day...

I just overheard my son telling my daughter that he hates her. What? He had no idea that I had heard him.

Here lately, I just really want to throw in the towel - drive away, change my name, and never look back. There are days like today that bring out those feelings. But it wouldn't be fair, it wouldn't be right, and it certainly isn't the kind of mother I really am. But the passing thought is there. I guess I am only human. I just hope I am really cut out for this, the whole motherhood thing. And I am really glad I had my tubes tied. I wish I were the kind of woman who could have seven and love each one with such passion and have unlimited patience. But I am not. Sometimes I can't even handle the two I have. I just hope they know I love them, and I hope that in the end they will turn out to be good people. Right now, it just seems crazy around here. I can't imagine what things will be like when they are teenagers.

1 comment:

carrie said...

There were days when Todd was 2 that I was afraid. After teaching emotionally disturbed children for years, I knew he had to learn to control his temper. I would cry at nights afraid I wasn't going to teach him. Finally, I got to where I prayed everynight for the patience, wisdom, compassion, and endurance to train him to be the way he needed to be. In those times that I felt like giving up, I would sit down and pray to God stating that I really needed those qualities now. It was amazing how quickly it would help. I guess it just refocused me. I will pray that you can have that assurance. I know that God would not have placed them into your lives if you weren't meant to be a parent!