Saturday, December 29, 2007

Just Playing Doctor

Well we made it through the holidays here at the Blair household, and now all I have to do is get the kids back in working order. We have had no schedule, no routine, no order for the past week, and boy, oh boy, is it beginning to take its toll on all. Yesterday, I had to threaten Madalyn's life for her to lie down in her bed and take a nap. It only took an hour and twenty minutes and eleven spankings for her to realize that I meant business. The jury is still out for today - we are only thirty minutes into it now.

On Thursday, we went and saw Alvin and the Chipmunks, which I enjoyed as much as the kids. I grew up watching them, and I remember watching the Christmas special every year. It was Madalyn's first trip to the movies, and she really did great. And that night, David went over to his friend's house to spend the night. I had a long conversation with David before leaving about using the manners - extra manners, better than usual manners - and being extra kind to his friend's little sister. I told him that she would want to play with them and for him to remember to be nice to her and include her. So, that evening, I called to check on how they were doing, how many times they had played the four wheeler game on the PlayStation, how many pieces of gum they had chewed for ten seconds then spit out and replaced. You know, the usual stuff six year old boys do. Apparently, the mom had just caught David and the sister in the Spider Man tent together. When she asked them what they were doing, the sister ran off and she said that David got embarrassed. Upon further investigation, the two confessed that they were playing doctor. I mean, I told the kid to be nice to the sister, but did he have to take it that far?

Thank God these are our friends. But, I was still absolutely mortified that my child was hiding in the tent with a little girl playing doctor. I asked him about it when he got home, and it went a little something like this:

"So, what were you doing in the tent?"

"Nothing. Really, nothing."

"Then why were you in the tent and not playing with your friend?"

"We were just playing, mom, seriously. We were just playing doctor. Just regular doctor."

Okay, I know I am old and far removed form my exploratory days of childhood. But could anyone explain the difference between regular doctor and irregular doctor? I mean, I think I just need a bit of clarification here.

Pray for me.

So then I had to go into my whole, "Your body is your body, and no one else has the right to touch you. And that applies to everyone else as well" bit. Blah blah blah blah blah. I hate these conversations. I don't know what I am going to do as these children get older and hormonal and really psycho. I only think they are crazy now. Just wait until they get some real hormones flowing through them. I need to change the subject before I vomit.

One more thing about David that is driving me up the wall these days is the crafting stage. I don't know what it is about crafts that has wet his whistle lately, but the boy wants to make things of paper, tape and string every second of the day. Crazy stuff. Like yesterday, he makes a necklace out of blue and red construction paper. He made like a little cross shaped thing and punched a hole in it and put some curling ribbon through it and calls it a necklace. I mean, I think I'll pull fifty-two leaves off the tree in the backyard, put it in a paper sack, and call it a million dollars. I am not trying to be ugly, but it is driving me crazy. He will come and get me and be looking for the strangest things. And the mess involved in being a one man crafting machine is unbelievable. Like for my Christmas gift, he made me a paper stocking. It was made of orange and blue construction paper that he cut out in the shape of a stocking, and then he punched holes around the edges and put string through the holes to hold it together. It was sweet, yes, but when I walked downstairs and saw the mess he had left behind, I wanted to wring his little neck. If you make someone a gift, shouldn't you clean the remnants up off the carpet?

I think the kids need to go back to school soon. At least then, David can get his crafting done there, and his teacher can clean up the freaking mess.

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